the dating manifesto.

the dating manifesto.

These are merely encouragements and insights for you to consider. These are not to be memorized or dogmatized. You should weigh the merits of each and choose to apply or dismiss. As a point of reference, know that I (most likely) have hurt quadruple the amount of girls you have and am now happily, though not easily, married, which should give some, even if minimal, authority to this. 

1. Always Evaluate - By this I mean that as God has called you to live faithfully to His will (serve the church and spread the Gospel) you are forever maturing.  In your process of maturation you require, desire, and need different things from relationships (some of these things can be but are not limited to: wisdom, encouragement, challenge, liberty, intimacy, stimulation, etc.). Try to figure those out and develop/work at your closest relationships wisely. There are transient relationships, which provide certain necessities for stages of life, and there are permanent relationships, which provide the essentials for life. Know that your dating relationship belongs in the transient/temporary category until you become engaged. Treat it as such. 

2. Understand the Nature of Emotions - The heart is a dark and enchanting forest and no matter the proximity of an observer (friend, girlfriend, wife), no one will understand it, including yourself. Because of this you must be careful with the vulnerability/emotional intimacy you allow. This is done by limiting conversation on certain topics (personal pain, insecurities, dreams etc.) in the perspective of time. As time lengthens and commitment deepens in relationships, the more vulnerable you allow yourself to be. It is valuable to remember that the more vulnerable you are the easier and more likely it is to be hurt. Do not be naïve; every single memory, experience, fear, dream you share is sacred. The more you share, the more you expose yourself to hurt. Scratches from friends/acquaintances rarely scar, cuts from lovers and family always will. 

3. Love selflessly - This is the hardest and most important. Love is chiefly thinking and acting for the well being of another person before yourself. This means, most importantly, you are responsible for how you touch and talk to somebody. This also means that you are always thinking inclusively instead of exclusively. Your relationship should continue to expand your love for other people (chiefly our Triune God) as well as each other. Think of her first, for her future well-being, and you will develop a relational structure of trust that is conducive to maturity and holiness. Consider yourself a steward of God's daughter and someone else's wife. 

4. Be Honest - Change is inevitable in every aspect of life. Understand that, statistically speaking, you will not marry this person and therefore the privileges and intimacy you will have with your future wife are not what you should be sharing with this girl. Knowing this, you should act in such a way that your relationship, in its most minimal form, is a means to an end and, in its most maximum form, is a delightful opportunity to learn more about the wonderful mystery that is woman, which will better prepare you to choose and love your future wife. When an evaluation takes place and you know that being together is no longer beneficial or conducive to who you are as a Man of God, or who she is a Woman of God, then step apart. Leave the space for both of you to be honest with where God is leading you in consideration of each other and have the class to let her walk away.

5. Party - In every (appropriate) way have a blast. Love in a careful but generous way that time together is not only edifying to God but is encouraging to your heart. Affirm her in who God has made her, orient your activities and conversations to stretch your souls and go crazy. The beginning of your relationship (which is all of your time dating until you get engaged) should be very social (inclusive/light hearted/externally focused).

6. For God - You are responsible for yourself and she is responsible for herself (In marriage only are you held responsible for your household and will be judged on how it was managed). It is important to always keep your theology in the forefront of your life so that each action and thought is measured against it and it is important/necessary for her to do the same. Because of this, you will often be in conversation about His character and creation as well as participating in actions for the furthering of the kingdom (church, worship, prayer, etc.) but it is important to maintain your individuality before the throne of God. If you remember the purpose of your relationships (glorify God and love His creatures), it becomes clearer in how to manage your relationship. If it is edifying, do more of it; if it is detrimental or inappropriate, stop doing it. 

 You are not to be accountable to each other but instead to God alone. We as brothers and sisters build each other up and encourage a deeper faith but it is not our responsibility or a healthy practice for boyfriends to monitor/measure/sustain/lead their girlfriend’s "walk with God." This idea that with dating comes unity is not only ridiculous but also damaging to the heirs of the Kingdom. You are one when you are married and not until then. When you fabricate unity with inappropriate intimacy (through conversation or physical attention) you create disillusionment and set yourself up for difficult breakups. 

7. Stop touching- The thought that each relationship should be allowed to participate in whatever they both feel is appropriate is absurd. There is warrant to living according to your conscience (Rom 14ish) but when it comes to physical intimacy before marriage much should be avoided. I think it is spiritually sound to not be intimate in any romantic way with someone until you are married, and then only with that person. It sounds extreme (which if you read the NT literally, then you realize the entire Xian faith is extreme) but personally I think it’s not only smart but also right in so many regards. I understand how difficult this is to practice (it wasn't by me until I married and realized the soundness of it) so be as careful with your hands and lips as possible.

 This advice can only be understood in the perspective of Xian monogamy. We are called to live selflessly for eternity and the thought that we can live selfishly before we are married and take whatever physical or emotional satisfaction/pleasure we choose is adolescent. It is commanded for those who have passionate desires to be wed and find fulfillment in their spouses. That’s my advice. I understand it is extremely difficult but that’s not because it isn't wise but because we justify sin with cultural norms. Final note, there should be more young people married and less young people doing married things with their girlfriends. 

 That’s it. Of course there are details and elaborations needed for every point, but if you do these things: you always evaluate where you are in life and the kind of people God is calling you to keep around, you know that you are changing everyday and your actions should be dictated in that perspective, you're a steward of her heart and body, and you're honest with where you're at and you maximize opportunities to enjoy each other; then you will be able to date without regrets and look each girl you dated in the eyes when you see them next. 

Praying for you and whomever you are with, and whomever your future spouse may be. 

zw

Three Supreme Testings.

"Three supreme testings await strong men in this life: the testing

of poverty and obscurity; of prosperity and applause; and of

suffering. Many who enter life conscious, even though dimly, of

great latent capacities, turn sour and bitter under neglect, narrow

circumstances, and lack of appreciation. Others who pass that

first trial successfully are corrupted or enfeebled by success and

adulation. Many who stand erect alike in obscurity and success,

fail utterly under the testing of suffering."

The Shorter Life of DL Moody

CHICAGO.

the city sits in a cup. with the skyline barely reaching the top.

its shadows reach and its dirty feet screech.

but the city will always sit...in a cup.

forever or never.

Only the past is certain. We look forward, seeing our dreams in cut ribbons. Soaring buildings. Bright medals. Large cars. But the steps leading to them are only imagined. And the closer we get they bend and transform into an unrecognizable future from the dreams of our past.

But then we look back and see our footprints. The certainty of time. Marking the path with blood. Torn fabric. Handprints. Groves from our knees on the ground. And though its so vivid. So sharp. We turn to those dreams. Those fantastic fabrications that carry us through the red knees and blue cheeks. To get to a place that’s never real until its past.

We’re desperate for the future. Tomorrow’s fortune is today’s satiation. The food in my mouth today is nothing compared to the feast tomorrow. but then fortune smiles. The future is never to be. You’re told with a phone. Or an apology.

But you know.

Tomorrow has vanished with a breath and you’re left with your shoes untied. You’ve raced so hard to cover miles you never saw and the door is already closed.

a pale reflection.

these are a few thoughts passed between a friend and i. i hope they are as beneficial to your hearts as it was his.

friend: hey man just thought i would write you a quick note...just about what i've been thinking about...

the Lord's Prayer is something that turns up quite a lot some of my classes...and i just got to thinking about the words, and really think about what i am praying...and i guess the part i struggle with is "Thy Kingdom come..." its like i agree with everything in the prayer but i think this part is difficult because i am like yeah i want the Second coming...but where the trouble comes in is i want it to come when it is convenient for me...i mean i want to live life, grow up...get married, have sex...and all that...so that is something i have been thinking about...

myself: your question is huge. its one that i definitely don't have the answer too. i have my own perspective and thats what i will give you...

kristin's greatest dream is to be with God. her fulfillment in life is to honor Him. she has rarely felt remorse for leaving the things of this earth to go to see God. myself on the other hand sit in your shoes. i want sex. i want kids. i want to see my brothers get married. i enjoy this life. and i've learned a few things about this life. the reason i enjoy it so much and am hesitant to leave it is because its a reflection of God's goodness. if i had the opportunity to experience all of Gods goodness at once (personally sex is what im thinking) than i would jump at it. with reckless abandon. well i've slowly learned that the goodness of this earth is a pale reflection of the heaven we inherit. the sex, the life, the fulfillment and enjoyment is lame and shallow in comparison to the emotional ecstasy, spiritual ecstasy and most of all the physical ecstasy. the reason im hesitant to leave this earth's pleasures is because i don't have the perspective or am unwilling to admit that this earths pleasures are teh basic unembellished version of heavenly pleasures. so whats my point. how does the knowledge of heaven being better than earth change my expectation or desire.

the answer is. slowly. through prayer. through reading. through intimacy with God in obedience will our desires slowly shift to a spiritual completion rather than a physical completion. its taken years and i often cling to the desire to make love to kristin over seeing my Savior. but the more keenly i understand my utter failure as a holy man and my desperate need for Christ's sacrifice and forgiveness do i desire to be with Him.

i believe we were given sex, love, purpose, career fulfillment, friendship to keep us on this earth long enough to do God's will. so do not run from pleasure, embrace, partake of it (in the sanctity of God's law) but know its source and steer your hearts desire to swim in the ocean not drink from a stream.

clinks in an empty well.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond all measure." -Marianne Williamson

i believe their are varied depths to the soul. not that the soul is shallower in some and deeper in others but that the soul is seen in different depths by different people. almost like a well in which we toss our change or draw our water. each person possess a different amount of silver, a unique color of water, a secret beast. have you looked into yours? does it glimmer? does it echo? is it empty?

we walk around so often and touch people. watch people. taste people. but it is a rare chance that we know people. because to know someone is to see the knowledge that they themselves posses of who they are. and if the people we interact with are uncertain or unknowing or shallow than it is impossible to know them because they do not yet know themselves.

true knowledge of a thing is to receive a resonance of understanding from itself. a tree does not doubt that it has roots or produces seeds and it attempts no other purpose. if you struggle with the connection from an inanimate object than try a mentally ill individual. to hold a conversation is comparable to containing water in oiled hands. you may act. you may interact. but you do not resonate because the soul in which you are attempting to connect or touch is disconnected from even the possessor.

the soul is a thing rarely understood. the tick, not the gears or the hands or the face but the tick is what puzzles. to know a person is to know their soul. but you are unable to know a person who does not yet know themselves.

to know who you are you must peer deep into oneself and whisper a terrifying question. a question that you will begin to understand few have asked. few possess the courage. the bravery necessary to ask..."are you there?"

now through this muddled conversation i have but one point. the one originally written and really only the latter of that sentence. "we are powerful beyond all measure." because for the majority they are not apart of the "we". they are in fact inadequate. as equipped or strong as they believe themselves to be they are neither. but merely shells. merely people of emptiness. struggling to pour materials, emotions, beliefs, prayers into something that holds none of them.

now the "we." the powerful. the mighty. we are men or women of God. i am a man of God. i am filled with an unquestionable presence. a dominating mass. i do not exist without the presence of the Holy Ghost. my face is unchanged. my fingerprints the same. but me. "we." my tick. our ticks. my soul. our souls. are now things of unconquerable. unmeasurable. uncontainable power that only a God can be the source.

the fear is reasonable. logical even. if created by a thing. and inhabited by a thing. than we possess their qualities. and a quality of our possessor is power. power beyond all measure. but that is not the trick. not to understand we are vessels or a tools. we have been given hands for a reason. a tongue to use. feet to use. a heart to use. we have not only been filled but blessed with multiple faucets of which to pour. but the trick...

the trick is tapping into it.

a love story.

Once upon a time…there was a charming prince who decided to take his beautiful princess on their very first adventure of a new life together.

The adorable couple left Saturday afternoon, August 1^st, 2009, driving Luna, their sturdy steed, to visit the prince’s family up north at Lake Ann Camp. On the way up they listened to a cd of their favorite songs Zack made and dreamed about their future together. The pair pulled into the camp around 6:30pm and met Becky (Zack’s mom/the Queen) at their cabin, which Zack left shortly after to help his dad build paintball forts for their paintball game the next day (which was entirely not true). Becky and Kristin got dressed for the nice dinner they were going out to later and then drove up to see the progress the boys were making. Meanwhile, up at the “paintball field,” Zack, Kent, and his brothers were arranging Pine Chapel for the engagement.

Becky drove Kristin to Pine Chapel, which is situated in a large pine forest at the edge of Lake Ann Camp. Becky stopped the car, led Kristin to the path, hugged her, told her she loved her, and then left her at the start of the winding trail that led to the chapel.

The path started with an envelope and scattered rose petals. The envelope contained a picture of Zack holding a sign with the letter “I” at the park where he asked Kristin to be his girlfriend four years ago. She then walked down the path and encountered five more envelopes, the second at the field where they had their first kiss with him holding a sign saying “WILL”. The third picture was of Zack holding a sign with the word “LOVE” at the overlook where he told Kristin he loved her. The fourth picture was of him holding a sign with the word “YOU” at a park downtown in Holland where they had their first date. The fifth picture was of Zack at his grandparent’s beach, a place very dear to the couple, holding a sign that said “FOREVER.”

The fifth envelope was at the start of the final walk. The path was marked with rose petals and lined with clear vellum bags with votive candles inside. Each bag had something Zack loved about Kristin on it. Kristin slowly made her way, reading each bag, absorbing the romance, until she was to a circle of bags with the final envelope. The final envelope was empty and had a Polaroid camera next to it for her to take the final picture. Zack then stepped out from behind a tree holding the last sign, which read “MARRY ME MARIE.”

He asked her to take the last picture with the five previous signs nailed on trees behind him (“I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER”) and with him holding his final sign, “MARRY ME MARIE.” The picture didn’t take (they got it later though!), and being so impatiently excited Zack told her to forget it. She promptly did so and jumped into his strong, muscular, tan arms.

Zack, after he had kissed her, slowly kneeled with ring in his hands. He proceeded with roughly the following proposal: “Kristin, I promise you that I will love you and no one else forever. I don’t want another girl to start a family and honor God with. Kristin, will you marry me? Please?” As you can imagine, Kristin could in no way turn down such an amazing, magical, perfect offer and responded with a very elated “YES!”

The charming prince and beautiful princess shared a few more delightful kisses before ringing a large bell, signaling the arrival of beaming Dad, Mom, and Brothers Wallace. The rest of the fairytale night included a fancy, family dinner and a prayerful walk around Lake Ann Camp with memories and dreams galore.

The jubilation carried through to the next day where a surprise engagement party thrown by Kristin's family awaited the couple when they arrived home. All of Kris's friends thought they were surprising her for a back-to-school party when instead they were surprised by the new "bling" on her left hand. The rest of the day was spent in engagement bliss with Dad, Mom, and Brother Merkle (Jackie & Lance too). It was a perfect ending to a perfect weekend.

Zackary and Kristin are hoping for a summer wedding in 2010 if the Lord so wills. They request prayer for Zack to find work in Chicago and for them to draw closer to God as they draw closer to one another.

The charming prince and beautiful princess are currently living happily ever after…